btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
