Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
