They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
