my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
