i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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