There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
