dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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