I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
