I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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