some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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