They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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