Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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