ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
