Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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