im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm really busy with my period
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