dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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