I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
