Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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