nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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