shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
