***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
