your parents love me but you hate me
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
