these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
