So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
