Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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