We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
