I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
