So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
