looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
