i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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