Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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