What did we do last night that was yellow?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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