This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
