he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
