I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
