he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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