so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
