I must be too annoying 4 u.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
