I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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