I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
