Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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