he shaved USA in his pubs
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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