Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
