you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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