I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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