He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
