I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
