I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
