get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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