youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
