Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
