I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We are two peas in an std pod
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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