Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
