do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
