No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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