I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
