omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
