We're like a lot better than the average bears
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
