guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize