we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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