We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
