I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
