in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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