Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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