I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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