operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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