Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
